In 1998, around the time details of Bill Clinton's cigar escapades were coming out, I found myself promoting a New Zealand tour for Brutal Truth. It was the first time I'd ever done anything like that, so although the tour went pretty well, I didn't really know what I was doing and there were a few minor fuck ups along the way. One said fuck up involved not properly organising accommodation in Palmerston North, resulting in us all having to sleep on the floor of the venue (The Stomach). The next morning I recall looking over to see drummer, Rich Hoak waking up from under a bed he'd made from tour shirts he'd got out of the merch. Then becoming uncomfortably aware that, as some perverse form of punishment, Kevin Sharp's bare ass and balls were squatted, hovering less than two inches above my head from where I was lying!
This morning I checked facebook to see his over night birth announcement (see above).
Being once so horribly close to the origin of the offending giblet, I pulled no punches in asking the hard questions in the post comments.
Subcide Webzine: Congratulations. Did that come out through the eye of your dick?
Kevin Sharp: It sure did... wonderful feeling
Subcide: How big? (The stone)
Kevin Sharp: 3/8"
Subcide: What does it smell like?
Kevin Sharp: to be honest - you've asked some pretty fucked up questions... but sort of that new stone smell
Subcide: Was there blood when you pissed it out?
Kevin Sharp: no.. when these things bang around on the inside... you bleed a little bit every time... I was half asleep when it launched... barely noticed... just heard it bounce in the bowl... stuck to the side... didn't even have to dig it out... got any more questions asshat?
Subcide: why yes I do, scrotum face. When it stuck to the side of the bowl, did you have to put your hand in with all your piss or did it stick above the waterline?
Kevin is currently lead vocalist for 'Lock Up', who will be touring Australia and New Zealand with Napalm Death and Brujeria this October. You can find details for the Auckland show, Listen to the new Lock Up album 'Demonization' and see a close up of Quasimodo, all below.
|Quasimodo - close up|